I swear, I'm not stupid...

Some days, having narcolepsy and working is one of the most frustrating things in the universe. Today was one of those days.

As of this writing, I have been waiting for a place to take a nap for over 3 months. So the daytime naps that I'm supposed to take haven't been happening. This makes the afternoon a difficult time for me at work, but our leadership likes to schedule meetings at this time, so I can't just sit idle.

Imagine for a moment that you haven't slept in 24-48 hours. How are your cognitive abilities at this point? Probably similar to when you are drunk. You would probably forget things that you normally have no trouble remembering, right? Absolutely! If your colleague told you they hadn't slept in that long, would you blame them for not being able to perform at 100% capacity? Certainly not.

As I went and did a dry run of a brief I am supposed to give tomorrow, I start to get very sleepy. As I finish, I can't remember the name of the person who is supposed to go after me. My boss gives me a quizzical, slightly disapproving look that says he expected better of me. I don't want to sound whiny or make excuses, so I just sit down. I sit through the rest of the brief, trying desperately not to fall asleep. Finally, the meeting ends.

I find the colleague who went after me, and apologize for forgetting him. He gives me a sarcastic "Sure you are." and walks away. I am positively mortified. I wish there was some way to show people how tired narcolepsy makes me sometimes. I wish people would stop giving me weird looks when I park in the handicapped stalls because of my cataplexy. I almost wish I had an illness that others could see so that people would better understand.

Days like this only strengthen my resolve to continue to write in this blog. Continue to raise awareness in any way I can.

I will.